I don’t feel very good about giving this post such a depressing title but this day has been interesting to say the least. From the moment I stepped out of the door it has just been total chaos and many a lesson has been learnt.
Every moment I spent outside of the house today felt very intense and although I tried to act as kind, helpful and positive towards the people I came into contact with as possible, I managed to attract a very negative experience when I reached home.
My household has somehow managed to acquire a dog that is a staffordshire bull terrier or should I say staffordshire bull terror based on what I experienced this evening! One of our housemates took it upon himself to look after the dog every few weeks because he was ‘trying to do something good’ but I think that good deed has just backfired on all of us.
Myself and another housemate decided to take the dog on a walk as we felt bad that it doesn’t get as much exercise as it should considering it is such a strong and muscular dog. We also felt that we wanted to do a good deed to make the dog a bit happier and prevent her from running around the house all evening and just wanting to have a good nose about as dogs do.
Everything was fine as I made sure that there was two of us responsible for the dog in case she became a bit too much for one person to handle and we took her to the park across the road to our house, making sure that for this walk we would keep her on the lead. Now, my friend has lived with a dog his whole life and has quite a bit of experience with dogs in general but obviously he was not an expert on this dog in particular. We had control of the situation and she seemed to be enjoying herself on the walk and getting all of the energy out that she had built up for a while and we felt glad that she could finally have a good run around in a nice park.
It was not until she started rolling in some long grass in the field and her collar somehow slipped over her head that events took a turn for the worst. At first she started running around everywhere, still staying near to us but then she began circling us and literally jumping high up in the air and throwing her body towards each of us. She also started trying to get a hold on my legs and ankles with her teeth, at which point I switched into absolute panic mode and I know she could sense that. I think what began as an over-excited bit of playing turned into an attack on us because she could sense fear from us and could feel from our energy that we were frightened of her.
I have to say that I have never been one to scream at things but I was so terrified at this point that I couldn’t stop screaming which obviously didn’t help the situation. I tried to run away from her but of course she just chased me and I just knew I had to run towards my friend and stand behind him so he could shield me. I think the dog could sense that my friend was dominating the situation and as he is a male, I think she knew that he was really not messing around with her.
Everything happened so fast but we had to kind of move round in circles together so he could shield me and keep her at a distance by making whipping sort of movements with the lead (though we thankfully never had to come to the point where we caused the dog any harm and the lead did not hit her). She kept running round the back of us to try and attack again but we just had to keep moving and trying to get nearer to our house. I don’t know how it happened but as we came closer to home, still in the park, she suddenly seemed to snap back into a normal sort of mode and the first thing we did was to waste no time in telling her to ‘sit’ and we put the collar straight back over her head again. I can honestly say that I have never felt so relieved and never been so grateful to be in a safe environment again but we knew we couldn’t fully start to comprehend the whole situation until we got back to the house and put her in one of the rooms downstairs where she normally stays.
I never really imagined that I would have to truly fear for my life as I have been so fortunate that I have never been in such a situation before. That sounds very lucky now I think about it considering all the people that have to fear for their lives on a daily basis and I know it sounds very typical and perhaps cheesy to say but I am hugely grateful that nothing happened to me or my friend and that we managed to return to safety. I am grateful that I don’t have to live based on fear and that I have the choice to live happily and safely and that I am not just living to be able to barely stay alive every single day.
I feel like my recent posts may have taken a bit of a negative turn which I am not really too pleased about but once again, I have learnt many lessons from these recent experiences and I think I am extremely fortunate to have the life that I have.
Of course, I escaped injury and we managed to ward of a situation that could have increased in levels of danger, but this does not mean I am going to consider this experience with less seriousness – I have instead reflected on how I am so fortunately accustomed to safety and it is something that I experience the majority of the time. This is a very lucky way to be living indeed.
One last thing that has been on my mind since I have been able to calm down and think properly about what happened….
I have been thinking more and more that thoughts and the words you say which most people might consider as throwaway comments or feelings might actually have more effect than we think. I had been extremely positive and optimistic in recent times but in the last few days I have felt a negative energy creeping up on me and I have been trying to ward it off as best as I can. I can’t help thinking that little niggling thoughts that have been coming back to me over the past few days such as issues to do with my living situation and a few other problems that I want to sort out and move on from might have manifested themselves into a situation that has left me with no choice but to speak the truth to others and make choices based on what I truly want and feel. Although it was a terrifying experience, once again I have tried to see it from a different light and feel as if it has made clear to me that I need to communicate better with my housemates about things I’m not happy with and if I can change circumstances for myself for the better, then I should do it. It seems to me now that thoughts can be even more powerful than I ever imagined they could be.
What a day, I hope things go up from here instead of down – I will certainly be slowly working through all the things that need to be fixed and try to see things from a positive angle, even if it seems like I am facing many different challenges at the moment….don’t we all at times though!
I am thankful for my friend who was there to handle the situation in the best possible way and I am especially thankful that I don’t have to experience something like this as a normal part of my everyday life.
Now to move forwards with a positive mind and with the power to speak out to others, even if it is not always the answers they want to hear.
I have had a teacher of sorts for just over three years now. He may not realise that he is even a teacher but he gives me new lessons to learn from each and every day. He has taught me (amongst many other things):
- how to respect others
- positive thinking
- the importance of curiosity
- to not judge others before even knowing them
- that stress does not help anyone in any way
- that I can always become a better person than who I was today
- that one way of thinking/life is not the way for everyone
- that sometimes a re-assessment of the ways of the world is needed
- that I should focus on things that make me happy
- that I should nuture and utilise my talents
- that we live in a crazy world but there is no need to get depressed – life should be seen as an adventure
- to accept that everyone has different opinions
- to realise I cannot force my opinions on anyone
- to accept that people can only change if they want to – they cannot be forced
I am not saying that I did not have or practice any of these qualities before I met my teacher (what a sorry wreck I would have been!) but that he has opened my eyes to greater possibilities and more beneficial ways of thinking that will improve both of our related experiences. Sadly, his subtle suggestions and advice fell on deaf ears for a long time and it feels like suddenly all the words and actions from times he was ‘just trying to help’ have flocked together and landed right here at my side more recently.
I think it is important to mention that I have not fully grasped even half of the behavioural qualities/life outlooks listed above and am very much still a work in progress. But the main thing is that I am aware of what I have learned and am starting to forge a different perspective on life which brings to the forefront the ability to finally accept myself and other people too – after all it is up to the individual to decide who they truly want to be.
I can’t say that I am proud for seemingly ignoring the words and actions of my teacher for so long, far from it. I guess I was just caught up in a very toxic cycle of negative behaviour and the only way of finally hearing what he was saying all along was to break the cycle. Which I have done….somehow. I think the best way for me to thank him (not that he would ever help only to receive thanks) is to treat him with the respect and kindness that he has always truly deserved from me. Of course there will be times when it will be hard to exercise this behaviour and it can sometimes seem near impossible to always keep your cool and act right towards others but I will be sure to try my hardest!
I’m not trying to sound all mysterious and state that I believe in signs or that everything happens for a reason but I DO get the strong sense that people enter and leave each person’s life in order to teach/test/guide/grow/awaken/challenge them. I feel that this may be the case with my teacher because although in the space of knowing each other we have had a less than smooth ride, it seems to me that it was a very intense and challenging learning experience which, wrong as it may sound, I am truly grateful for. I am not saying it is necessarily a turbulent friendship/relationship that will teach you most of what you need to know and will show you your deep insecurities – that would definitely not be a healthy way of becoming who you truly want to be. But I have had this experience and am still part of it and although I am not proud of my past behaviour, I am positively focusing on my future behaviour and am truly grateful for all I have learned.
I guess what I have been trying to say with this post is an enormous THANK YOU to my special teacher – you know who you are! I hope I can gradually give you back as many positive vibes as you have given me along the way 🙂